Appointment with Psychiatrist Today

I will write this as my tired-as-can-be son naps.

After struggling to drag myself out of bed this morning to get up with my son, he was very cuddly. He did not want to eat or do anything but cry. I picked him up and snuggled with him and it as it was all he wanted was to cuddle.

This was a great reminder that my son needs me, jobless and moneyless and all. I know that it's not really him I'm worried about. Selfishly, it is myself. My family members will provide for my son financially. Anything he wants he will have. It is I, who shall go without.

My psychiatrist said my eyes looked better today. Perhaps because the cuddling session with my son led to my belief that he still needs me. Nonetheless, my psychiatrist and public health nurse have decided they need to "step up their work."

Now, I am going to have in home visits and weekly phone calls. I wouldn't talk to them on the phone before as it was because of my budget. I am limited to so many minutes a day on my phone. I told them my foolish concern, and they said it made sense. As it would turn out, my nurse has a Rogers phone herself. Rogers to Rogers calling is free. :) So, we solved one minor dilemma.

She may be starting me out in this program in the beginning of winter. It is for mom's 22 and up. I don't know if it will be beneficial. I will have to miss out on babysitting and would not be able to afford food at this point. Believe it or not 200/mth budget for food is just not enough to feed a twenty two year old mom and a two year old boy.

This course is supposed to also provide information on employment. I am not stupid. I do not want to waste my time any more with employment and school counsellors. They have done me no good. A waste of tax payers money, as they went to school and have reasonable incomes. It is they, who know less than I. I will have to explain to these people that many of their suggestions are foolish and irrational.

Sure, I could go to school and come out making minimum wage. After explaining this to my employment counsellor, she agreed with me. ufff. I can do a job search myself on the jobbank for goodness sake. If that is what I do at my employment counsellor's tomorrow I am going to lose it. Oh wait, I already have. I wish I could smack the government over the head with a frying pan.

They have also put me on even more medication, it is getting rediculous!

My grandmother's cancer is progressing. She has been so much of my support over my time as a single mother. She watched my boy today but could barely stand by the time I returned to her. I am not going to have much support very soon. She is getting so sick. Again. Maybe this time I will handle it better. I am still sick in mind, but when I was fifteen and we went through this I told her I didn't care that she had cancer and wished she were dead.

This was in fact not true. I knew the cancer she had was and still is curable, if she choses treatment. I have a strange way of dealing with things, but my counsellor has taught me some better communication skills and anger management techniques. Hopefully, I will be able to use these.