More poems to consume my thoughts

Just before I write these out I should share a little bit of my evening and morning. I go to sleep with suicide ideation. I wake up with suicide ideation. There is no thought that consumes my mind enough to over power my damaging thoughts. Am I one day going to be like those who wonder lost around the city streets searching  for their hero to ride in and save the day? Or am I going to beat this now? The time is now, but only I can determine how badly I want to beat this.

The problem is that I have to want to want to beat this. I do want to beat it, for my son. Other than that... I just don't want to beat it. I picture myself strangled on my bedside, but God must have a purpose for my life. He did save it, several times already.

If I ever wind up dead, I'm okay with this stuff getting out, but if you make any money I want it to go to my son's education. I really don't know who else should get my money.

Your like rain on a  summers day
You know when to darken my ray
You help my crop grow
When they are at their highest low
You show up when I have no desire
Your down poor takes me higher
I wish for you on darker nights
Your always in my hearts sight
My soul dances at your shower
You possess that power
Thank you for listening with your heart
When mine was torn apart.
***********
I have a strong desire
That there is a power
That would take you higher
Than the highest tower
I have a strong passion
That there is a dream
That would stronger than the waves crashing
Then, for you it would seem
I have a strong belief
That there is a place
That would be your relieft
Then, takes up all your space
************
I can defeat this
It is more than hit and miss
I feel a strong defeat
For a thought that I cannot beat
I know my last thoughts
But this couldn't be caught
He is my reason
To change the season
Will I meet you in heaven
Just count to seven
You are a woman, so strong
There's a part of you that belongs
Your have to further your accomplishment
Somebody else may need to vent
But I just can't beat my mind
That is what I am leaving behind