I'm a Pyromaniac

I also forgot to mention my fire obsession. It didn't seem to flow into my last blog entry so I thought I would write a seperate one.

Ever since I was a little girl I have been obsessed with fire. All of my siblings have the same obsession. Yes, we are pyromaniacs. I lit matched when I was six and my old sister got the blame for burning the carpet. Yes, it was I who did such a horrible deed.

The obsession with fire never ceases. I have to light my hotdogs and marshmallow's on fire at bonfires just to have the fire close to me. People are always screaming out me to blow it out but what they don't know is that I am infact enjoying every second of danger that is coming my way. I wish I knew were my illnesses had begun. Oh why oh why, did I not stay in therapy longer as a youngon. Oh, it wouldn't of mattered because I didn't like any of my counsellors. I was closed minded and had a set in stone idea of the one that would work for me. I like the one I have now.

Anyways, back to my obsession. As a teen, I would build campfires out back of my house unbenounced to my family members. I almost lit my aunt and uncles million dollar house on fire because I was lighting paper on fire. This was just before I almost drowned myself (not sure if it was accidental or not) in the river down below where I lived.

A couple of days ago, I flickered a lighter I had found in my driveway wondering what it would be like to light myself on fire. This was not neccessarily a suicidal thought, for I would not want a painful death. I think this was more about my obsession with fire. So, I took that lighter and lit my shirt on fire.
"Crap!" I thought to myself. I didn't actually expect it to light on fire!! I was just playing. As I often had done as a child. Of course my family is so naive that they had no idea the things that went on in my head. I was just a rebel child, ignore her mental illness. Just kidding...I didn't light myself on fire.